01-21-05 - 07:22
I must be committing some sort of crime
there's an ocean of torment inside me. I could care less what problems someone else has, no one's problem could touch all of my endless horrible tragedies.
I made an appointment. I don't think it will do any good.
I cast my line out, let's see if I get a bite or actually the real-deal.
I'm convinced that in this apocalyptic day and age that there really are government cover-ups. That the media does create a culture of fear. But that some things are true.
The things that will never change are the horrible obvious injustices. Such as, the man with the most money gets what he wants. The people born to money and Washington are the new royalty. I know I didn't go to school with anyone who will be president. Land of opportunity? Selective.
Forgetting political concerns, I would still like to point out that my life is a wash and has been for about 3 years.
Last night I dreamt of men kissing at an awards ceremony, of a coworker going into labor 3 months early, of a coat rack terribly out of place at my work, of an old high school friend working three jobs, of a blizzard tipped over on a table, spilling and oozing while I shoved its remnants in my mouth, of a high chair that lowered itself down to a low table, of Jamie Foxx- a photographer at Animal Control- taking pictures of the special of the day, of closets and lights and strange snoring sounds in my room.
Today we go to Coos Bay. I'm not convinced that is the right thing to do. I am ill and so is Abby and my mom hates me right now! I also don't care much for my husband right now. Not much at all. I think he looks at me right now with pity and disgust and that makes me hate him.
Head full of snot and ugly thoughts. Just purging these horrible gobs of trash!
